October 2022

“No!” “Not allowed!” “No!” Does it really work?

Written by : Child Behavioral Emotional Therapist
　　　 Ip Wai Lun

Many times, parents get angry because their children don’t follow the rules or challenge some bottom line. For example, if a parent doesn’t want a child to touch something, the parent will just say, “Hey! Don’t touch it!” and “No!” and “Stop”, the child will hear many of these “No! and “No! In fact, this will often make children feel that they have done something wrong, which in turn will undermine their confidence and make them avoid doing things in the future.

As a parent, what can you do to make your child follow the rules without undermining his self-confidence? What kind of talking skills can parents use?

For example, if a child is angry and his face is red, we can use the following “three-step” approach.

Part I: Say How He Feels
“Mommy and Daddy see how angry you are ……”
“Look at your red face. ……”

Parents can try to help their children say how they feel. This is the first and most important step.

Part 2: Setting boundaries
When a child has a temper tantrum and may hit someone, parents should immediately set a line: “Okay, we can’t hurt others. Help him to set a compliance line.

Part 3: Arranging a platform for diversion
If the child has already hit someone, the parent should arrange a platform for the child to channel the anger.

For example, the parent can say, “Oh! I see you are so angry that your face is red and you want to hit someone! Why don’t you show Daddy how angry you are? “Why don’t you hit this shark doll?”

Maybe the child will say, “Yes, okay! and then hit the shark doll. At this point, the parent should tell the child, “Oh, Daddy is really angry to see you.

By allowing the child to express his or her emotions, the child will understand that when he or she has negative emotions, they won’t be accepted by the parents.

If parents use the above three steps, not only will they accept their children’s negative emotions, but they will also not condone their misbehavior, and most importantly, children will learn to follow the rules.

If Nobita Nobi did not have Doraemon

October 2022

When I was a child, I loved watching the Japanese comic Doraemon, but what would happen if the real Nobita did not have the magic of Doraemon, what will happen? How can we improve the time management skills of children so that they do not become the real Nobita?

The characters in “Doraemon” are vivid and lively, with distinctive personalities – the gentle and quiet Shizuka, the bullying Takeshi, love showing off wealth Suneo, the magical Doraemon …… but the one that impresses me most is the timid and often troublesome Nobita, especially his philosophy of “don’t do anything today if you can put it off until tomorrow” is a classic lazy person’s reflection.

I remember one of the stories: Nobita consistent with his character of procrastinating things again and again, to the day before the test to start studying, the results cannot cope with and have to ask for help from Doraemon. Doraemon took out the magic – memory bread to help him, as long as Nobita printed the textbook content on the bread, and then eat, he will remember the knowledge printed on the bread. Nobita was happy about this at first, but because the content of the text was too much, he had to eat a lot of bread to remember all the knowledge, and as a result, he ate too much and his stomach could not stand it!. After he had a bowel movement, all the knowledge was washed away with his stool, and he scored a zero on the test. This is exactly what the Chinese saying goes: “Clutching the Buddha’s leg in a hurry “, and lap up information without　 fully digesting it will not yield good results.

I wonder if you have ever met someone like Nobita? These people usually lack a sense of responsibility, because they are not interested in the work handed down by their teachers/parents/supervisors, but they can’t put it off, so they have to put it off until the last minute to finish it. Due to the lack of time, the performance is naturally unsatisfactory; but there is another type of people who really want to do a good job, but unfortunately the concept of time is weak, or the work is too simple to think, to complete the work to be completed in 10 days only arranged in three days, the result is also due to the lack of time, have to drive at night to catch the deadline, the performance is naturally less than expected.

In the comic, Nobita’s son and grandson, Nobby, is living in poverty because of Nobita’s poor ancestors. In order to change the quality of life, he sent Doraemon back to the 20th century when Nobita was a child, hoping that he can use magic treasures to help Nobita, and thus change fate. Doraemon also really in Nobita every time he encountered a crisis to help him with magic. But I think, if Doraemon does not change Nobita’s bad nature, the problem will only keep repeating itself.

In addition, Nobita’s mother only scolded him after each trouble, but did not seriously think of ways to solve the fundamental problems of Nobita. In fact, if Nobita’s mother can cultivate Nobita’s sense of responsibility and master the skills of time management, even if Nobita does not have Doraemon, Doraemon does not have the magic bullet, I believe that Nobita will not repeat the same mistakes in the future. And a sense of responsibility and good time management need to be cultivated since childhood, otherwise it becomes a habit, and it is not easy to change in the future.

Due to the limitation of space, this article only focuses on sharing how to improve the time management skills of children. I think we might well start with the details of life, try to give an example, when my daughter was in the upper kindergarten class did a project study on the topic of “community”, I would like to take this opportunity to share with you how to consciously cultivate children to do time management through this project study. As you know, there are many steps involved in completing this project study, such as arranging time to take pictures of representative places in the district, such as parks, swimming pools, markets, libraries, post offices, etc.; then organizing the photos and adding a brief introduction next to them; children sometimes need to design report covers and draw illustrations… …It is certain that the above work cannot be completed in one day.

At this point, you can work with your child to plan a timeline for completing the entire project report and keep a calendar of tasks. If you can follow the schedule, I believe that your child will be able to do a good job on his or her project. On the contrary, without proper planning, parents see that their children are not able to complete their projects on time, so they rush to do it for them. As a result, the child becomes another Nobita, and the parents become Doraemon to save Nobita. Sometimes I hear parents complain, “I don’t know if it’s me or him who has to turn in his homework. This practice also violates the purpose of the teacher’s homework.

Doraemon” was a comic I loved to watch when I was a child, just like Nobita. Now I have grown up, but Nobita is still a child, living in the virtual world of comics. In real life, your child will grow up, he will need to face various challenges in the future, and we should not expect Doraemon to come out to save him when he encounters adversity, he will need to solve the difficulties he faces in life alone. For this reason, let’s work together to equip our children for a better future.